KNOCK KNOCK

Who’s there?

It’s your feelings!

And they will never go away if you don’t answer.
They will walk around the house trying to get in.
Looking for a window that’s open.

So hurry up, close the window.
Just in time.
They almost got in.

I hear something outside
Block the door
Lock it
Twice.
Put papers on the windows.
Cause if you even glimp at them for a brief moment
They can get you.
Hypnotice you
Confuse you.

So no.
Cover the windows.
Make sure to block them out.
Running in the house can get so exhausting.
They try to peep in at every little moment.

Always be on the lookout.
Turn the music on
so you can’t hear them knocking,

Louder.
And louder.
That helps.

But when you turn the volume down
There they are again
Running and screaming outside of the house.

My darling
You have to let them in.
Listen to them
Sit down with them
What do they have to say?

You’ll manage
You’ll live
I promise.
You can handle them.

And you’ll see
When you listen to them,
Hug them,
Give them tea,
They are very friendly.
Not your enemy.

They are only here to help you
To grow.
And see.

I promise they wont hurt you
When you open the door.

Trust me.
Trust them.
Trust yourself.

Start to listen
By unlocking the door.
They’ll find their way in.

And when you see them.
Just embrace them.

They’re so hungry for your loving care.
They need you.
And you need them.

LIFE

– Jeff Foster

Break in me whatever needs to be broken.
Fix my hope of ever being fixed.
Use me. Draw every ounce of creativity out of me. Help me live a radically unique life, forever forging a never-before-trodden path in the forest.
Show me how to love more deeply than I ever thought possible.
Whatever I am still turning away from, keep shoving in my face.
Whatever I am still at war with, help me soften towards, relax into, fully embrace.
Where my heart is still closed, show me a way to open it without violence.
Where I am still holding on to, help me let go.
Give me challenges and struggles and seemingly insurmountable obstacles, if that will bring an even deeper humility and trust in the intelligence of life.
Help me laugh at my own seriousness.
Allow me to find the humour in the dark places.
Show me a profound sense of rest in the midst of the storm.
Don’t spare me from the truth. Ever.
Let gratitude be my guide.
Let forgiveness be my mantra.
Let this moment be a constant companion.
Let me see your face in every face.
Let me feel your warm presence in my own presence.
Hold me when I stumble.
Breathe me when I cannot breathe.
Let me die living, not live dying.

Amen.

– Jeff Foster

RAINBOW VANS & OTHER BRILLIANT IDEAS

March 5 2015

When Jente (Sister Pink Cloud) and I are together we make the most amazing plans for the future. About what we are going to do this summer, what kind of mindblowing projects we are going to start. How we are going to save the world or open a restaurant. How to spread mindfulness in our own little way. Where to buy the van for our Monkie Tour around the world to visit monasteries and interview all the wise monks we can find. What the title of our tv-show is going to be during the Monkie Tour. How to build a mindful community in France with houses made out of all kind of sustainable stuff that we are going to build with our bear hands. And of course, host retreats there. Those kinds of plans.

I don’t want to make any plans, Maarten says. Say what? You grumpy monkie, don’t spoil our fun!

I can’t imagine that. I make plans all the time for the brilliant ideas I have. I do it on the toilet, in the shower, while I’m eating, trying to sleep, cook, sit in the train from Groningen to Rotterdam. You get the picture.

Having ideas constantly popping in my head is so common for me. Dreaming about the future and how I am going to plan all of this as well. I’ve written a lot of business plans in my head. Don’t get me wrong, I do think it is good to dream (big). It keeps me going, motivated, makes me feel like anything is possible and I can do something meaningful with my life. Not that I don’t do that already, because I do, but of course it can be more or better. Always grasping for more.

Last week I started to observe where my daily thoughts are about. Just random thoughts. I noticed they are about things like food, worrying, people (mostly conversations or liking / disliking), making todo lists and… surprise, surprise: making plans for my ideas. I spend a lot of time thinking about it. I start to notice it more and more. I wasn’t really aware of it, but I feel like I can really loose myself in ideas and planning. Can’t stop thinking about it. Not so mindful or being in the here and now, I get that. And there is something else about all these ideas, because there is the risk of feeling like a failure when I don’t realize all of them. #FAIL Not a good feeling. Hmmm, maybe this grumpy monkie had some sort of a point.

I’m still not saying I want to stop dreaming and planning, because I love it and how else would great projects start? But maybe I can find a way to manage my thinking about it better. I’m just more aware now that I don’t have to get carried away by all my ideas. They come and go, like normal thoughts. I don’t have to write everything down in case I forget that one brilliant idea. (I have lists of them) If it is that brilliant I try to trust it will stay with me until needed. Otherwise it probably was not that important. In the meantime I just try to filter the dreams and ideas that are really important to me now and focus on them.

So if you see us driving by in a rainbow van next year, the Monkie Tour was really important to Jente and me. I do hope Maarten will also be in it by then. For now, back to my fingers typing on my laptop and watching the rain on the window. I have an interesting project to work on for the rest of the day and I am pretty grateful for it.

THE INVITATION

– Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon…
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

OUR DEEPEST FEAR

– Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

WALKING AWAY FROM LOVE

– Jeff Brown

Sometimes people walk away from love because it is so beautiful that it terrifies them.

Sometimes they leave because the connection shines a bright light on their dark places and they are not ready to work them through.

Sometimes they run away because they are not developmentally prepared to merge with another- they have more individuation work to do first.

Sometimes they take off because love is not a priority in their lives- they have another path and purpose to walk first.

Sometimes they end it because they prefer a relationship that is more practical than conscious, one that does not threaten the ways that they organize reality. Because so many of us carry shame, we have a tendency to personalize love’s leavings, triggered by the rejection and feelings of abandonment. But this is not always true. Sometimes it has nothing to do with us.

Sometimes the one who leaves is just not ready to hold it safe. Sometimes they know something we don’t- they know their limits at that moment in time. Real love is no easy path- readiness is everything. May we grieve loss without personalizing it.

May we learn to love ourselves in the absence of the lover.

– Jeff Brown

THANKING A MONKEY

– Kaveri Patel

HUMAN ARROGANCE

Who am I to think that I have answers?
Who am I to think that I have a clue?
Who am I to think that I know,
yes KNOW, anything at all?

I sit here and I think.
I don’t see anything.
I’m just caught up in my thoughts.

But when I look around
I see trees,
I see a little creek,
I see a dragonfly flying by.
I am eating beautiful delicious mango.

The longer I stare, the more detail I see,
the more detail I see,
the more little, no BIG, wonders I see.

How on earth can mankind create something like this without hard work,
just by letting it be and watch it grow into something so beautiful.
I only see true miracles around me.
Wonders that weren’t created by men.

Humble we have to be,
humble I have to be.
To nature.
To the intelligence that created nature.
The force from where nature and life arises.
The creation of creation.
The effortless process of growth
From a seed into a tree.
That is a true wonder.
I can only be an observer.

My own body is a wonder that participates in this setting.
My mind is just a tool to create illusions.
A distraction so I don’t see what’s in front of me.

Let me see the wonders of nature,
let me see the wonders of life.
Let me see the wonder of my own body.

Are we that more intelligent than a tree, than a dragonfly?
Are we? Am I?
Is the thinking mind such a blessing for mankind?

I don’t trust my mind anymore,
I trust the trees, the water in the creek, the dragonfly
and the juicy mango I just swallowed.

FALL

Leaves
bathing in the sun.
Just hanging, being
And letting go.

Fall
Is falling down.
Kissing mother earth.

The colorful leaves
Become a pile of painting.
Covering mother earth.
Nourishing her.
As she will let them in.
No matter what color they are.
Or become.

She will take care
Of every one of them.

For the beautiful introverts.

YOU PRESCIOUS GEM

The light catches your reflection.
It doesn’t matter what you say
or don’t say.
You shine in every direction
Just by being you.
The sparkling colorful you that you are.

You mirror the light with your smooth skin.
You twinkle rainbows on the rough edges.
And the places that are invisible to the eye
Is where your soul is hidden,
Your ever shining inner light.

And when you look deeper
You see how beautiful you are on the inside.

Don’t ever doubt what’s in there
Or out there.
Look at your whole being.
Your beauty,
Your pain caused by the sharp edges,
Your feelings inside,
your big caring heart.
Everything you went through to be able to shine today.

It can only be perfectly imperfect in there.
Like how you were born
And shaped by time.

Be proud of who you are today.
Don’t ever try to change any shape, color or texture.
Time will do that for you
By living and being who you are.
Your life will go on without you trying.

The only thing you can do is listen.
Listen to what’s going on inside,
Listen to the words
Of people who touch your soul.

Look at the world through your beauitiful twinkling eyes.
Love everything about yourself,
Celebrate your beauty
Inside and out.
Let yourself shine
Today.

You were meant to be just as you are now
You precious gem.